Mishloach Manot ambivalence: . . .
On being of two minds about two kinds of food.
Orthonomics says she's not a minimalist about mishloach manot.
I have mixed feelings.
Those of you who've been reading my blog for, well, at least a year know that I've always complained about us giving out a gazillion mishloach manot packages and getting almost none in return, as if the mitzvah (commandment) of giving mishloach manot applies only to us and not to the recipients.
This year, I decided to change my attitute, and to think of our mishloach manot distribution as an act of chesed (kindness). Most of the recipients are seniors on fixed incomes who get a kick out of our "gift." Okay, so we made about 22 packages and got only three in return. I guess I'll live.
But there's a downside to our relative generosity--it puts the other givers in a bind.
There are rarely more than two other congregants who give out mishloach manot, and both of them complained this year that people expect it. They resent the fact that some people actually delay going home after the megillah reading in the hope of being given mishloach manot packages despite the fact that they never reciprocate. They complain, and rightly so, that the choice of persons to whom to give mishloach manot should be the giver's alone.
We have only ourselves to blame, since, to the best of my recollection, we were the first congregants to give out mishloach manot at our local synagogue. Perhaps, if we'd made it a point to give out only about half a dozen packages instead of over 20, people wouldn't have come to take it for granted and consider themselves entitled. Since this was my apparently-not-so-brilliant idea, I'll remember to keep our distribution more limited once we move and join a new synagogue.
Orthonomics says she's not a minimalist about mishloach manot.
I have mixed feelings.
Those of you who've been reading my blog for, well, at least a year know that I've always complained about us giving out a gazillion mishloach manot packages and getting almost none in return, as if the mitzvah (commandment) of giving mishloach manot applies only to us and not to the recipients.
This year, I decided to change my attitute, and to think of our mishloach manot distribution as an act of chesed (kindness). Most of the recipients are seniors on fixed incomes who get a kick out of our "gift." Okay, so we made about 22 packages and got only three in return. I guess I'll live.
But there's a downside to our relative generosity--it puts the other givers in a bind.
There are rarely more than two other congregants who give out mishloach manot, and both of them complained this year that people expect it. They resent the fact that some people actually delay going home after the megillah reading in the hope of being given mishloach manot packages despite the fact that they never reciprocate. They complain, and rightly so, that the choice of persons to whom to give mishloach manot should be the giver's alone.
We have only ourselves to blame, since, to the best of my recollection, we were the first congregants to give out mishloach manot at our local synagogue. Perhaps, if we'd made it a point to give out only about half a dozen packages instead of over 20, people wouldn't have come to take it for granted and consider themselves entitled. Since this was my apparently-not-so-brilliant idea, I'll remember to keep our distribution more limited once we move and join a new synagogue.
posted by Shira Salamone at 10:59 AM
6 Comments:
I'm not sure why you are so concerned with the practices of your fellow congregants.
There is a Mitzvah to give Mishloach Manot.
There is no Mitzvah to receive it.
If you are annoyed at someone's lack of reciprocation, take them off the list for next year.
"There is a Mitzvah to give Mishloach Manot.
There is no Mitzvah to receive it."
True. I'm just selfish enough to think that, when you've been giving for over 15 years, it would be nice to get something back other than a "Thank you."
This year, due to being "annoyed," we cut back. The only people for whom we packed hamantaschen along with a mandarin orange and tortilla chips were the people who always reciprocate. Everyone else got 2 Stella D'Oro parve cookies. Next year, I'm using sandwich-sized zip-type bags, just so we don't have to go through an entire extra bag of tortilla chips just to make the quart-sized bags look full.
Once we move, we'll be choosing the recipients with care--rather than doing a mass hand-out, we give to six or so recipients. As long as you're talking about "a Mitzvah to give," I'll mention that the mitzvah of mishloach manot only requires one to give to two people, not half the congregation and their cousins.
"True. I'm just selfish enough to think that, when you've been giving for over 15 years, it would be nice to get something back other than a "Thank you.""
I'm not sure why. It hasn't happened in the past 14 years, why would you expect it to happen this year?
I think moving into a new neighborhood with a negative attitude will undermine the community aspect that you want to join.
We give Mishloach Manot because we want to. We give to friends (often receiprocates), we give to Secular Jews so that they can participate in the holiday. We give to new families that we haven't struck up a friendship with but would like to. There are certainly families on our list that don't reciprocate, we don't care.
Until this year, we sucked at Mishloach Manot, this year we actually had our act together. We originally gave through a Shul fundraiser, and had a patio filled with bags, the next year, we were better.
If you don't enjoy the practice, then don't do it (beyond the Halachic requirements). We have friends that never seem to do it, we still deliver to them.
If you can't afford to give generously, don't.
If you don't enjoy giving generously, don't.
But don't go into it looking for a quid pro quo, that's a recipe to be unhappy.
"I think moving into a new neighborhood with a negative attitude will undermine the community aspect that you want to join. . . . don't go into it looking for a quid pro quo, that's a recipe to be unhappy."
That's a good point, Miami Al. I'll have to work my attitude.
Now I really do see an advantage of straddling ideological boundaries!
I get from people at my O shul (I give back to them as well through a shul fundraiser, but that of course lacks a personal touch) and give to about the same number of people at my C shul, so on balance I almost came out even this year!
Playing both sides of the denominational mechitzah, are we? :)
Good story, Woodrow. Wish I could duplicate it.
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